In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

I have a question: “Tired of what?” “To pretend that I don’t give a damn what you do, say or wear.” He looks at my dress for a while, closes his eyes for a moment, then looks at me in the eye again and continues: “I can’t stop thinking about you.” This is not easy to hear, and it seems even harder for him to admit it. Ever since that morning I accidentally walked into my room and got into that bed with me. I swallow hard and try to push the thoughts out of my mind. He continues: “Do you have any idea what it’s like for me to hear you in the next room, to see you walk past me in those clothes, but to know that the only one who will take them off you is my brother? And I hate myself every time I really want to be in his shoes.” I hold my breath for a moment. He brings a hand to his forehead and leaves it there for a while, while closing his eyes. He is frustrated with himself and I can’t get an idea of how he feels. He then turns his gaze back to me as he says: “I’ve looked, but I’ve looked hard, for a girl who could finish what you started this morning. But none of them came close to what you did for me.” That pisses me off in a way I don’t understand, so I ask: “Not even that bunch of blondes?” He laughs very hard. “Do you know why I always bring some blond woman who is not very smart, or when she is smart, she is always arrogant?” I still look irritated at him, who continues: “Because they don’t look like you, so I don’t run the risk of imagining that I’m with you instead of anyone else.”   Now I’m speechless after hearing that. He looks down for a moment, then says: “Do you know how hard it is to pretend Im okay all the time when you’re around?” Wow, I swear I didn’t expect to hear that.

He looks down at his pants and I can reason by myself that at the moment he is like this. I just don’t have much of a reaction at the moment, it’s too much to digest. He looks back at me with a still frustrated look in his eyes, then says: “You don’t know what you’re doing to me.” I still look at him, because I know this is hard to admit, as it would be hard for me to admit that he has the same power over my body. At the moment I am on fire inside, but I am too surprised that I am not the only one feeling something here. He says: “I think you should. You saw how I felt while just standing next to you at the skate park, didn’t you?” Damn! He knows I noticed. But I don’t really care about that, because I remember something else: “But you fixed it pretty fast with the help of your little friend Shane!” He looks surprised at me. “What?” I don’t answer back, I just stare back as I feel all that anger coming back. He laughed at what I said. But I’m still not serious. He then says: “Where did you get that from? I mean, she didn’t do anything to me, gee, I can’t even imagine that. And well, if someone else did, I wouldn’t.” He now has a smile on his face and continues: “Wait. Are you jealous of Shane?” Hearing someone say something I haven’t even been able to admit to myself is really frustrating, so I don’t say anything, I just feel myself turning red again. He continues one more time: “How did I not realize this before?” I have a question: “Did you realize what?” “That you’re not indifferent to how I feel, you’re jealous of me too.” I take a deep breath because it’s getting hard to hear these things coming from him, arrogant jerk discovering this silly crush I feel for him and. He interrupts my thoughts when he says: “You’re crazy about me!” I just feel my anger rose considerably and the next thing I know my hand has just hit his face. He looked at me static and surprised, but not angry. I just said: “F*ck you, Yan!” I walk out toward Matt’s room, slamming the door behind me. He pushed me against the wall next to the door and I swear I didn’t expect that. My breathing is labored, not so much by surprise as by the closeness in which we find ourselves. He looks at my mouth as he bites his lower lip and I swear it’s getting hard to control this, and only I know how much I want him now. He then moves even closer and I can smell the sweet scent coming from his mouth, I close my eyes or I’m going to make a fool of myself. But if I was trying to control myself, closing my eyes and still feeling his breath so close to my face was not the best way in the world to do it. My mind is then bombarded with thoughts about MarriageAnd I think: “Oh my God, what am I doing?” “That is wrong!” “What the f”ck am I doing here?” I open my eyes and without looking at his face, I put my hands on his shoulders and slowly pull him away saying: “I can’t do this.” He doesn’t pull away from me, he just puts his forehead against me and we stay like that for a while just breathing heavily and I didn’t want to like being close like that so much, but I do and I like it a lot. He then pulls away a little bit, looks at me in the eye and says: “I know what you’re feeling, because I am too and all this sucks anyway.” I take a deep breath, I’m so confused that I try not to look at him and he continues: “But I also know that if you’re attracted to me that way I’m attracted to you, it won’t go away.” He holds my chin, making me look at him and continues: “So why don’t we get rid of it once and for all?” He takes another deep breath and completes: “Will you stay with me tonight?” I look back into his eyes half confused, really trying to convince myself that I really heard what he said. He continues as he sees my belief: “It will only be once, let’s never do it again.” I laughed. He has to be kidding. That’s right. A joke. I still have that incredulous smile on my face, but he doesn’t laugh back, he seems sure of what he said. He’s still waiting for my reply. I finally found my line and said: “I’m not going to do that!” He then moves closer to my ear as his hand finds my thigh and he slowly moves up my skin taking my dress with him and I close my eyes and his hand moves slowly up my thigh and I try to cover it up to no. He says very closely to my ear: “So tell me another way to get rid of this?” He stops his hand, but doesn’t take it away from my body, moves away and looks me in the eyes again, now he’s the one with the smile on his face. I can’t believe it, but I think I’m considering accepting his proposal. This could work I guess, but I have not been acting for a reason since the time I decided to go with him to the skateboard track. He says: ” Don’t think a lot about it, just act.”Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.