Hatred With Benefits

S I X T Y - T W O

EVA.

"I think I might have a problem, " Aliya complains as she drops to the seat in front of me and I shut my

laptop to focus my gaze on her. "What's it?"

"I might have or might have not told Sage that I'm getting tired of our relationship. " She says as she

drops her bag to the side before tilting forward and I furrow a brow, "What? What does that mean?"

"I don't know, " she sighs. "I don't know what's wrong with me. "

"Is that how you feel?" I ask her and she nods. "It suddenly feels too much; like I'm being boxed in or

something and I hate that feeling. "

"What was her reaction when you told her?"

"She walked out on me. " A frown covers her face as she stares down at her hands. "I told her I needed

a break to rethink our relationship and she just walked out... Without a word. "

"I'm not surprised, " I let out a chuckle and she lifts her head. "I would too if my girlfriend whom I love

so much suddenly tells me she needs a break from a relationship that's still new? Which brings me to:

why the fuck are you tired? It's barely a month. "

"I know, " she hisses, sinking back into her seat. "Relationships never interested me until her, and with

her; it was different and I thought it was going to be like that for a while, but that feeling just came out of

nowhere. I don't know why I feel this way, but I suddenly want to stay far away from her. It's like I'm

losing interest?"

"But you still love her?" I raise a brow and she takes a while before she responds. When she does, her

answer is far from what I expected, "I don't know?"

"Did it hurt when she walk out on you?"

"Yes, but not enough for me to go after her. I'm fucking insane, aren't I? I was so invested and now..."

She finishes her word with a sigh, dropping her gaze from me and I move my hand across the table to

grab hers. "You aren't insane. It's normal to feel that way; you're just scared of commitment. "

"Yes, but I didn't feel like this from the beginning so I thought Sage is the one to end that part of me?" Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

She explains and I nod, "But isn't that how it's always been? You get excited about them, then you lose

interest when you get too close?"

"No, " she shakes her head. "I get excited with the idea of being with them, and not in a romantic way.

It's more like sexual, but Sage wasn't that way. I felt it, Evie. I loved her. " Loved. She's using the past

tense. I know Aliya never did relationships because she's never the one to keep her eyes on one, but

when I saw her with Sage; I thought that was the end of her phase. I thought she found the one she'll

never get bored of, but I was too quick to conclude that. I forgot it's easy to fall in love with a person,

but how quickly do people fall out of love? Do we call it love when you no longer see them the way you

saw them the first time you both met? Isn't love supposed to stay till the very end?

The thought brings another person to mind, and I start to wonder what the fuck I'll do if Emerson wakes

up one day and decide he no longer feels for me?

"Are you with me?" The sound of Aliya's voice interrupts my thoughts, bringing me back into the reality

before me where my best friend is in a state of difficulty and I hum. "I am. "

"What do you think I should do? I'm lost as fuck. " She says and I gnaw at my lips as I study her. When

Aliya lifts a brow out of impatience, I open my mouth, "I think you should take time to think about where

your feelings truly lie. What if you end things now and you suddenly want her back after?"

"No. It's the chase, Evie. When it's push and pull between us, my interest is sparked but when they

give in to the feelings and stay around me only; that's when I lose interest. "

"So you need someone who wants you, but also doesn't?" I ask her and she says, "I don't know. What I

do know is that I suddenly lost interest in her; the eagerness isn't there. "

"You should take a break from her. I don't know, Lia but Sage likes you. Loves you even. I know it isn't

deliberate from your side, but you should think about her feelings when you're making your final

decision. Of course, I don't mean you should continue with the relationship when you have zero interest

in it, that's even more bitter than actually letting go but you should weigh your options before you take

the next step. If you still don't want to be with her by the end of it, then talk to her and explain how you

feel. I'm sure she'll understand. Sometimes, we love but there are no promises of forever. Forever is

scary either way. "

"Is that for me or you?" She teases and I roll my eyes. "You know what I mean. "

"I do. " She laughs, squeezing my hands gently. "Thank you, babe. I feel safe knowing you're always

here when I need you. "

"And I'm waiting for you to get bored of me too. " I taunt her and she throws me a glare, "I won't. It's

different with you. "

"Cheesy. " I say before I withdraw my hands from hers. "Or maybe you're just doing it the wrong way. "

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you'll find the one who keeps your interest in the other gender. You swing both ways, don't

you? But I've never actually seen you with a guy before. "

"Why should I go through the trouble when the girls are easier to be with? Plus I haven't found one that

interests me yet. " She raises a shoulder and I shake my head, "I don't think you will when all you do is

throw a glare at any guy that dares to come your way. "

"And them being the coward they are, scurries off the next second. Isn't it supposed to be all about the

chase? Women are the better choice, Evie. "

"Whatever, " I say before I turn my attention back to my laptop.

"What are you doing?" Aliya asks from her seat and I say, "Our project. "

"You're working on it already? Bitch, we still have days before we have to turn it in. "

"Sorry, I'm not a procrastinator like yourself. " I respond as I look up to her and she throws me the

middle finger before she grabs my chips, throwing one in her mouth.

"Sorry I'm not a nerd like you are, " she retorts with a grin and I shove her my middle finger before I

drop my gaze back to the screen.

"And look who the heavens dragged in. " Aliya whispers, distracting me from my work. When my gaze

settles on her, she jerks her head in the other direction and I twist my head to the trail of her eyes to be

met with the sight of Emerson and his friends walking inside the restaurant.

He smiles at something Jaxon tells him before his eyes roam across the room and our eyes meet; his

smile widening when he holds my gaze.

Jaxon pats his shoulder, drawing his attention and Emerson nods before he looks back to me, throwing

me a wink then he looks away.

"You're so in love with him, aren't you?" Aliya's voice brings my attention back to her and I shift in my

seat, not meeting her eyes as I speak. "Shut up. "

"Oh, oh. Just eye contact and you're this red already?" She continues to tease me and I pin her with a

glare, "Keep running that mouth and I'll shut it for you. "

Aliya lets out an amused laugh before she grabs another chip from the bowl, throwing it in her mouth.

"Hey, babe, " I flinch at Emerson's voice by my side before I turn to his view. He's leaned over me with

his hands pressed to the side of the booth and the banquette.

"What are you doing?" I eye him, looking behind him to where his friends are.

"Making you shy in public. " Emerson says and I glance back at him, slapping his arm. "You should go

back to your friends. "

"And if I want to stay here with you?" He offers and I make a sound of displeasure. "No, you won't.

You'll go back to your friends. " I order.

"You sound so fùcking cute when you speak to me like that, " the soft smile that rests on his lips after

his words tell me he's finding pleasure in this more than he should, and I scowl at him, "Emerson. "

"Diva, " he calls in the same tone, and Aliya's clear of throat interrupts me before I can say another

word.

"You guys seem to be in your little world, and I'm just reminding you that there's another presence in

the room. " She beams as she looks between Emerson and I, and I gesture for her to stay silent,

earning a mocking laugh from her.

"Your friends are staring at us. " I inform Emerson and he looks behind him then back to me with a

raised brow, "So?"

"So you should head back to them. " I tell him in an obvious tone and he stays mute, pushing his lips

forward before he says, "Kiss me and I'll leave. "

"Uh?"

"Don't make me repeat myself, Diva or I'll take what I want in my own way. " I let out a scoff at the

threatening tone, "Is that supposed to be a—" Emerson's lips cover mine, bringing my words to a

pause and he swallows every sound of protest I try to make, his hand sliding to the back of my head.

"Hmm, " I'm quick to give him as his tongue strokes mine, sending sparks of sensitivity through me and

when I want more, sinking my teeth into his bottom lip; Emerson pulls away with a smirk playing by the

corners of his lips.

"Em–" I whine, grabbing onto the front of his jacket and trying to meet his lips, but he draws back with a

laugh falling from his mouth.

"I hate you, " I tell him as I let my hands fall from his jacket and he presses his lips to my cheek before

he says, "I know, and you love me more. "

"I'll see you later. " He places another kiss on my other cheek before he moves over my ear to whisper,

"And I'll give you what you want. " And I watch as he walks back to his friends, leaving my body in a

state of excitement.

"This is the time where I tell you I was right when I said you'll fall stupidly in love with him. " I'm

reminded that Aliya is, in fact, in front of me and she witnessed the scene.

"Please don't say anything, " I let out a groan and she surprises me by nodding, agreeing to my words,

but that surprise doesn't last long when she lifts her phone and turns her screen to my view. "I took a

picture. "

"No. " I try to grab hold of the phone but she's quick to pull back with a daring smile on her face. "I'll

never grow tired of teasing you with this. " And I know she means that when she shoves it in my face,

withdrawing the second I try to grab it.

With a fall of my chest, I look back to where Emerson and his friends are, and Emerson's head turns on

cue; as if he knows I'm staring at him.

I know he has me right where he wants me when I'm unable to control my smile at the sight of his.

~

"No!" My skin tingles with sweat as I sit up on the bed, my chest rising and falling rapidly. I stare into

the space for a while with my heavy pants surrounding me before I drop my gaze to the space beside

me, finding it empty instead Emerson's body

I jump back at the creak of my door, and Emerson walks inside; worry masking his expression

immediately he sees the state I'm in.

"Eva? Are you okay?" He asks as he shuts the door to my room and strides towards me. I'm unable to

give a response and I only hold out my hands as I wait for Emerson to move to my side. He climbs on

the bed and takes my hands, bringing me to his chest as he strokes my head, pushing strands of my

hair from my sweaty forehead.

"What happened? " He asks in a soft voice and I squeeze his sides tight. "Where did you go?"

"I woke up thirsty and the cup was empty so I had to go to the kitchen. " He explains as he continues to

pat my hair, the gentle touches doing much to calm my racing heart. "I'm sorry for leaving you, baby.

Were you startled?"

"Yes, " I tell him, burying my face in my chest to take in more of him. "I had a nightmare. "

"Why?" His question floats above me as I rub my head against his chest. "You haven't had one in a

while; why now?"

"I don't know. " I voice out, wondering why it's back and scarier this time because it's different from the

usual ones. "I don't know, but it was scary, Em. I was so scared. "

"Shhh, " he whispers. "I'm here. I'm right here with you, baby. You have nothing to be scared of. I'm

always here. "

I lift my head from his chest to meet his eyes. "Are you sure? Will you always be here?"

He smiles and lifts his hand to my face, fondling my cheek as he speaks. "I'll always be here, Diva.

Even when you don't want me to be, I'll always be here because I have nowhere else to be. You're my

home, Eva. You're my peace and I'd be nothing without my home and my peace. "

His words soothe my burning nerves, exterminating my worries and my unwanted thoughts, and a

small smile makes its way to my face as I snuggle closer into his body. "Good. Because you always

have to be here. I need you to always be here. "

"Always. " He promises before he leans down to press his lips to my forehead. "Come on. You should

go back to sleep, or do you want to stay up and talk?"

"Can you read to me?" I ask him, and he smiles, pulling my cheek before he drops my body gently to

the side to grab the book that's by my bedside.

When he adjusts back into his spot with his back against the headboard, he pulls my body back to his

and I press my head to his chest with my hand staying on the other side, Emerson's chin pressed to

the top of my head as he flips the pages.

He begins to voice out the words in a quiet tone, and I shut my eyes to his comforting voice and the

restful echoes of his heartbeats as I find peace in his embrace.

~

"Hey Sage, " I smile at the blonde outside of Aliya's door and her eyes are full of unshed tears when

she raises her head. "Hey, Eva. "

"Sage, are you okay?" I ask the obvious, having no idea what else to say seeing her in this state.

"Yes, " she chuckles and swipes her fingers under her eyes. "I am. You shouldn't mind me. You're here

for Aliya, right? She's in. "

"I know, but I think—"

She cut me off before I can finish my words. "I'll see you around, Eva. " She throws me a forced smile

before she sidesteps me and I let out a sigh as I watch her frame disappear out of sight.

Turning back to the door, I don't knock before I walk inside and Aliya is on her bed with her head raised

to the ceiling.

"You're here, " she says without moving from her spot and I hum, strolling towards her. "I just saw Sage

outside your door; you actually went through with it?"

"You said it's even bitter being in the relationship with her despite knowing I've lost all interest. " She

reminds me of my words and I say, "I know that, but I didn't think you would make your decision this

quick. You still care for her, don't you?"

"I do. " She answers. "But I just don't feel that spark for her anymore. I hate to be the bad one, but I

can't help it, Eva. I didn't want to feel this way, it's just the way I am and I hate that so fucking much. "

"Hey, you shouldn't say that. " I drop my bag to the floor to settle by her side, grabbing onto her knees.

"It isn't your fault. What did she say?"

She finally averts her gaze to me. "That she understands, but that doesn't make it hurt any less, and

that she'll always be here if my feelings ever changed. "

"She must—"

"I told her not to wait for me. " She says, silencing the rest of my words before I let them out and when I

arch a brow at her words, she proceeds, "Because I don't want to disappoint her any further than I

already did. She left after that. "

"Oh, babe. " I coo, spreading my arms for her and she moves to sit on the bed before she drops into

my arms, wrapping hers around my middle. "She'll be fine. You shouldn't worry about her. "

"Did I ever love her?" She whispers the words to my hair and I pull away from the embrace to look at

her. "Of course, you did. It might have been short, but it was there, Aliya. You felt love for her for that

brief moment. "

"Then why didn't it stay longer? It should have, Evie. " She mumbles and I press a hand to the side of

her face. "That's because you don't control the way you feel, Aliya. Aside from being scared of

commitment, feelings come and goes, and not every feeling is bound to last. We act based on our

feelings and they can be tricky. It isn't said that your first relationship will be the one to bring you

everything that's needed forever, Aliya. We meet people, we chose them and we fall apart. That's just

the way it is; if they aren't the one, then they aren't. When you meet the one, you'll know it. Feel it.

Besides who said you always have to be with her to love her? There's always the choice of loving her

from afar. "

"Sage felt like the one. " She mutters and I smile, "If she's the one, you'll find your way back to each

other. We still have a long time ahead of us, Aliya and nobody know what the future will bring but the

future itself. Maybe this isn't the end of your story with Sage. Maybe it's just a pause, and maybe it's

bound to continue later. "

"You're truly something else, Eva Carson. " She purrs before she wraps her arms around me again.

"But you're right. Only the future knows what's to come. "

"There. You'll be fine, Aliya. You have me. " I assure her and she holds me tighter, dropping her head

on my shoulder. "I truly do. "

~

After spending the day with Aliya, darkness has settled over the clouds and I make my way back home;

to the man that awaits me after numerous texts.

My eyes move across the screen, reading Emerson's last text from thirty minutes ago with a smile on

my face as I walk up to the door.

I drop the phone into my pocket and attempt to push through, but I halt the movement of my hand just

seconds away from grabbing the knob at the unfamiliar feeling that washes over me before I turn it and

walk through the door, stilling at the sight that's presented before me.

The door remains open and the blowing wind from the outside air floats around me as my mouth hangs

open and I watch Emerson pull away from her, taking a step back.

"Emerson—" she breathes before he could speak, the tremor in her voice not escaping my notice.

"What the fuck do you think—" Emerson doesn't get to complete his words before the loud noise of my

bag dropping from my trembling hold interrupts him and both gazes snap to me.

"Eva. " Emerson looks away from Paige, eyes wide as they meet mine and I shake my head, taking a

step back.

"Diva, please. It's not–"

"Don't. " I silence him with a raise of my finger. "Don't say a word. Not a single fucking word from you. "

"I didn't kiss her, Eva. She kissed me. " He says, reminding me of the fact that I had walked into Paige's

lips on his. Paige. The same girl we fought over just a while ago? The same girl he called me insecure

for? The same girl he defended by saying she knows her place? That's the fucking Paige.

"I told you not to utter a word. "

"Okay, I won't. Just... Come inside, please. " He pleads in a gentle voice, but that isn't enough to calm

the burn from what I just saw.

"Don't follow me, Emerson. I mean it. If you do, you'll regret it. " I warn him, looking back to the girl that

stands behind him with wet cheeks and gaze raised to him.

"Don't. " I give my last warning, turning back and not waiting for whatever excuse will come from him as

he opens his mouth.

I walk out of the room and I don't make a stop as I move in an unknown direction– the only thought

running through my mind being that of him and the other girl.