Find Me Alastar

I sip my coffee as I smile stupidly at my handsome breakfast partner who is sitting across the kitchen

counter. Wearing grey sweatpants, a white t-shirt with bare feet, his hair is in its best messy, curly,

fuckable style. We have just showered and I am back in my dress from last night. I must look ridiculous.

Alastar is going to take me back to my house so that I can get dressed before he drops me off at work.

He blows into the hot coffee in his cup as he contemplates saying something. I can hear his brain

ticking from here. “I go away next Wednesday,” he tells me casually.

“Where to?”

“America.”

“For how long?” I ask.

“Indefinitely.”

“Oh.” My face falls.

He puts his coffee down onto the counter. “Don’t give me that face.”

I frown. “What face?”

“That disappointed face.”

I push out a forced smile and sip my coffee. I’m not sure what to say. I knew this was coming to an end

all along. “So… you wont be back at all?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I don’t think so.” His eyes hold mine as if waiting for me to drop to the floor and cry or

something.

“What about Fraidy?” I ask. “Who will feed him?”

“I have someone coming in to mind the house.”

Oh shit, he really is going. “Oh,” is the most intelligent reply I can muster.

He smiles, seemingly relieved at my nonchalance of this new knowledge.

My eyes drop to the floor. This is why he wanted to end it. He knew that he was leaving. Why did I

sabotage myself and say I wanted casual? I should have ended it that day in the café when he told me he

wasn’t married.

I fake a smile. “Who are you going with?”

“Thomas.”

“Sounds fun. Where are you going exactly?” I ask.

“All over.”

I nod as I look at my watch. I don’t know what to say without revealing my sadness. I want to get the

hell out of here. “We should probably get going. I’m going to be late for work.” I stand.

He stands, seemingly unsure of what I’m thinking as he watches me intently. “We still have a week

together.”

“Great,” I reply, deadpan. Stop it. Act cool.

He wraps his large warm arms around me and holds me tight, and finally I surrender. I put my arms

around his neck and kiss him gently.

“Stay with me for the week,” he whispers against my lips.

I frown.

“Let’s go to your place, get your things, and you can come and stay with me for the week.” I pull out of

his grip and shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, but thanks for the offer.”

“Why not?”

“Twinkle.” I sigh. “I’m…” I hesitate. Should I just come out and say it? “I’m a little too attached to youConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

already. Me staying here will only make it worse when you go.”

He smiles a broad genuine smile as his arms slink around my behind and he pulls me back to his body.

“This is where we make the memories that you will look back on in twenty years, remember?”

I smirk.

“One week together and then we go our separate ways. Like you said, we have an affection for each

other and we can look back with fondness.”

His lips drop to my neck.

“No,” I breathe into the back of his head.

He bites me and I smile.

He grabs me and lays me back over the bench. “Will you stop it?” I giggle.

“Give me my week.”

“I said no.” I laugh as he continues his attack on my senses.

“I’m working tomorrow night and you can come and watch me shoot. You can be my glamorous

assistant.” I smile, that does sound fun, actually.

“And then I have a work dinner on Friday night and you can be my date.” He tries once more to

sweeten the deal. His voice is muffled as his lips refuse to leave my skin.

The truth is, he doesn’t have to sweeten the deal at all. I already know I want to see him, but I also

know I’m swimming into dangerous, unchartered waters. I am much more attached to us than I should be. I

shouldn’t be craving his touch or his time outside of the bedroom. This is meant to be casual sex, not

required intimacy.

I pull out from under him and kiss his lips. “Thank you for the offer, but no. We can go out on the

weekend before you go if you like?”

His face falls, but he nods once. “Okay.” He turns and grabs the keys and my heart drops. He’s

disappointed.