Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

“Holy shit, that’s a lot of skin showing.”

It’s not just Palmer’s words through our FaceTime call. It’s the way her face is screwed up like she’s in pain. It’s unmistakably a look of shock and horror at me in my mermaid costume. “Do you have a shawl or something?”

“I really only asked about my makeup, Palmer,” I say, stepping closer to the mirror and taking a seat on the bathroom chair positioned in front of several different eyeshadows and mini tubs of glitter.

Lennox was supposed to help me get ready, but she got horrendously ill with what she calls the super flu. It’s been over three days and just this morning we confirmed there was no way in hell she was attending the birthday party tonight. I offered to skip the party and help take care of her instead, but she insisted she felt guilty enough for infecting Alan. They have plans of commiserating in their misery tonight together, in Snuggies, in front of a Marvel movie marathon.

I’m jealous. Outside of the fever and chills, that’s exactly my perfect version of date night. Dolling up for hours, like I’m about to walk the red carpet or walk down the aisle is not a routine I want to fall into. But Finn seems so excited about tonight. I don’t want to be a killjoy. For the past couple of weeks, we’ve been enjoying the gray area. The place where we get to flirt, cuddle, have constant sex, but don’t have to make any life-altering decisions. But the gray area has an expiration date—and it’s in three days when I head to Cancun to present to the board.

I blink at Palmer, who has fallen into an awkward silence.

“Okay, fine, just say it—do I look fat? Because Lennox and Finn have already seen me in the costume and they said I look—”

“No. No, Aves. I didn’t say fat. It’s just…” She pinches her brow. “What did Finn and Lennox say?” she asks in a mocking tone.

Lennox said I looked jaw-dropping bold and hot. She also made some less-than-tasteful comments about my breasts—all complimentary. And Finn didn’t say much because the moment the costume was on, he peeled it right off. He did mention mermaids may be his new fetish.

“They said it looked good.” The bottom of the mermaid costume is a long, flowy, pink skirt that’s see-through and sheer. The delicate fabric is held together with silver chains that attach to a clamshell—that conveniently matches my bra—covering my bottom bit. This is the most revealing thing I’ve ever worn in my life, but I’m headed to a strip club costume party. And aren’t I an adult by now? Who has the right to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be wearing?

“Maybe just throw a crop top on over it. Like take a T-shirt and just put it over your bra and tie the ends.” She demonstrates a knot with her hands like it’s a foreign concept to me. “You’ll feel even more comfortable.”

“Thanks, Palmer. Real supportive,” I mutter bitterly and pick up a makeup brush and passive-aggressively stab the bristles into the glitter pot too hard. Pink and silver shimmer goes flying all over the bathroom countertop and the bottom of my phone that’s propped against the container of cotton swabs.

“Come on. I’m not saying you look bad. It’s just…”

I exhale and meet her eyes on the screen. “It’s what?”

“You’re changing, a lot.”

“And?” I’m not doing a good job hiding the irritation in my voice.

Palmer rolls her eyes at my tone. “I mean, I know you, Aves. You’ve been my best friend for twenty years, so I can say with full confidence that you, the real you, is pretty incredible. I don’t want you to change your entire identity because Mason wasn’t the one. You are perfect for someone. And I just don’t think that someone is going to want you to dress up like a mermaid slut and party at a strip club.”

I deadpan. “Slut?”

She holds up her hands in surrender. “Sorry! Poor word choice. You get what I’m trying to say. You’re just not Vegas, you’re not going out, you’re Avery. You’re cuddles on the couch, and ranch and chips for dinner, and the most intelligent, kind human being I know. You deserve everything, Aves.”

As per usual, Palmer’s loving and supportive message is wrapped in her candy coating of sass and judgment, but the core is sweet at least.

I gesture to my cleavage on display. “This isn’t the norm. I’m the one who wanted to go to this party. Finn… I don’t know, Palmer, there’s something between us and I think it’s real.”

She turns up her lip like she smells something rancid. “Real? You and the strip club owner? Come on.”

“He’s a photographer—a really good photographer,” I say, grabbing the aerosol hairspray and spraying it into my palm. I dab the liquid by the sides of my eyes before using the makeup brush to deposit a healthy coat of glitter where my eyeliner ends. I’ll be damned. It actually works; the glitter is glued in place. All courtesy of Lennox’s genius. “He wants me to move here to be with him and give our relationship a real chance.”

“Stop. What the fuck?” Palmer asks, her eyes popping into wide circles. “You’re not—”

“I am. If I get the Legacy Resorts job, I’m moving to Vegas.”

The job is almost guaranteed.

My hunch was more than spot-on. Once I dug into the board members’ financials, it was very clear what Legacy’s main issue is…

They have a rat.

The member most adamant about selling the company and getting everyone to rally behind him happens to be a major investor in Legacy’s direct competition. My big presentation transformed from a pitch to a witch hunt. Once I tell the executive team and other board members what Mr. Wallace Frank has been up to, he’ll be voted off the board and Legacy can start fresh with a supportive team and a solid new branding vision.

My vision.

I bite the inside of my cheek and brace myself, preparing for the snarky remark that’s about to come out of Palmer’s mouth, but instead, there are only tears.

“Palmer?” I ask.

She shakes her head and sniffles.

“Palmer…what’s wrong?” My tone softens as I watch her eyes fill and her cheeks turn blotchy red.

“It’s just great to know that I’m losing my job, my home, and my best friend all at the same time.”

“What? That assistant actually got you fired? Because that’s not—”

Palmer shakes her head again. “No. The show didn’t end up getting picked up. The network changed its mind last minute. They’ll have my final check tomorrow and then we’re done. I was going to tell you this weekend.”

The way her head is hung makes my stomach twist. I hate seeing Palmer like this. Her sass and snark are a wall she’s built up after years of rejection in an industry based on luck and endless ladders. An industry that’s been rejecting her for a decade now.

“Palmer… I’m so sorry, friend. What do you need from me?”

“Anything? Even if it’s much too much to ask?”

I nod assuredly. “Absolutely.”

“Will you come get me? I don’t want to make the drive back alone. I know you have connections in the airline industry. Could you get a last-minute flight—”

“Yes. I’ll get on a flight tomorrow night. You can come to Cancun with me, okay? They booked me a couple’s suite, but there’s no way in hell I’m sharing that with Mason. Do you want to be my date?”

Hunter with Legacy Resorts made the incorrect assumption that Mason and I are still a couple, so he had his assistant arrange a honeymoon suite at Legacy’s Cancun resort. I politely told Mason I was keeping the luxury suite, and he needed to find elsewhere to bunk for the presentation. I actually was going to surprise Finn with a last-minute invitation, but Palmer clearly needs the distraction. She can get tan and drunk in Mexico while I secure Arrow Consulting’s future.

“But you have to play nice with Mason,” I continue. “He’s going to be there, too.”

She makes a disgusted face.

“Free vacation, honey. Beggars can’t be choosers.”

“What did you decide about all that anyway? You’re really going to ditch Mason after all you guys have gone through with Arrow?”

“Wow, look who is singing a different tune,” I say teasingly. “Has the war finally ceased?” I wink before I shake my head. “No. I came up with the perfect solution. I am going to keep Arrow Consulting intact and offer an exclusive non-compete offer to Legacy Resorts. So we’ll get their fat paycheck, I’ll give Mason his fair share, and Arrow Consulting will be an exclusive resource to Legacy.” I pinch my fingers together and kiss them. “I don’t want to say I’m a genius but…” I pop my shoulders with a big grin on my face. I’m just trying to cheer her up. “Everything is going to be okay. You could move to Vegas with me. We can still get a place together.”

“I have to be in L.A. for—”

“I know.” I wish she’d just give up her acting career and find something that makes her feel good about herself. But I also know Palmer’s talented. Everyone finds their path in their own way. “If this is what you want, then see this show as a big stepping stone. You landed an amazing job, Palmer. It’s not in your control who invests in the project. So take the experience, go home, and go hard. Another opportunity will come your way. I promise you, friend. I love you.”

“I know.” She presses her fingertips against her closed eyes. “But…I don’t know…I’m scared that you have this new life, new friends, and a new man so quickly. I’m your oldest friend. I’ve been with you forever. You’re really going to ditch me for some random hot guy? I thought…”

I hang my head when I remember the promise I made to her weeks ago. Before Finn. Before I found this new version of myself. I told Palmer we were in it together and she could count on me. She needs me. Mason needs me. He’s not my boyfriend, but he is still my business partner.

I don’t want to be the girl who ditches her oldest friends for a shiny new life that truthfully I probably don’t fit into. Maybe this is moving too fast. This summer was just a break from reality, but now real life seems to be catching up.

“We’ll figure it out together, Palmer. Don’t worry. I’ll be there tomorrow, okay? I’ll text you as soon as I have my flight details.”

“Okay,” she says through sniffly tears. She dabs again at her red, puffy eyes. “I love you, Aves. I don’t deserve you.”

“Well, you’ve got me.”

“Finn Harvey, I have a face, you know.”

Finn reluctantly peels his eyes away from my chest to meet my gaze from the opposite side of the limo. “I’m sorry, did you say something?” he asks. “It’s hard to hear you over your sexy tits.”

I try to scowl at him, but a reluctant smile breaks through and he responds by unbuttoning the top of his crisp, gray polo suggestively. To my surprise, Finn showed up at my place to pick me up for the party in nice dark jeans and a gray polo. He’s dressed the same way he does when he takes me out to a fancy dinner. When I asked him where the hell his costume was, he informed me that only the women dress up at Cass’s costume parties, which to me seems very much like a hunter-and-prey type of situation, but hey…when in Vegas.

Finn reaches behind him to roll down the partition halfway.

“How’s traffic?” he asks the driver.

I hate to admit it, but I could get used to the limo treatment. It’s not the luxury aspect. I don’t give a rat’s ass about the extended limo, champagne on ice, or plush leather seats. It’s the fact that every time we take a limo, I get to spend the ride playing footsie with Finn and staring into his bright baby blue eyes instead of watching the side of his face light up under red-and-green lights.

“A little congested,” the driver responds. “But don’t worry, we’ll get you there on time.”

“Don’t rush,” Finn replies to the driver, even though his eyes are forward, locked on my clamshell mermaid bra. “We need about twenty more minutes. If we arrive sooner than that, circle the block, and under no circumstances are you to roll down this partition. Clear?”

“Yes, sir,” the driver responds apathetically like he has no idea, or no interest, in what Finn is insinuating.

I’ve worked with a lot of top-dog CEOs in the past few years. There’s a certain air of authority a man gets when he knows his commands will be followed with enthusiasm. Finn has traces of a CEO’s attitude. It comes in little flashes. Most of the time he’s soft, sweet, and charming, but there’s a top-dog boss living inside of him. A side that seems to only come out when he’s turned on or pissed off.

Once the partition is up again, Finn grabs his dick through his slacks and bites his lower lip. “All right, Queen. You know what we do in limos. Spread ’em.”

This time I full-on scowl. “No.”

He cocks one eyebrow. “Excuse me? Sweetheart, I reminded you about fifty times that you’re the most beautiful woman on the planet, brought you a limo, and rubbed your sexy little feet for the past ten minutes because you said your heels hurt.”

“Yes,” I admit, “you’ve been perfect tonight.” Every night, in fact.

He nods emphatically. “Yep. Foreplay. Now, pay up. Touch yourself. The clock is running.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I…” I’m embarrassed to fess up, but I don’t want Finn to think I’m rejecting him. “I spent a really long time on my hair and makeup because I want to look as good as I possibly can. I don’t want all your friends to see me sweaty, splotchy, and with frizzy hair. I don’t want you to be…embarrassed to show up with me, okay? You deserve a pretty girl, Finn. I’m really trying.”

I’m putting in the effort for Finn where I fell flat with Mason. Maybe because I’m trying to rectify past mistakes. Maybe because Finn already matters to me more. Or maybe because I know when it comes to Finn, the competition is fierce. I’ve just never been interested in competing until now. But it’s undeniable…

Now that I have his attention, I don’t want to lose it.

“Why are you trying so hard to be something you already are? Avery, we can turn this limo around and go home right now.” Finn’s expression flattens as his eyes sink with concern. “We’re going out tonight because you wanted to. I would’ve skipped it. These are my wild party friends. If you don’t like it, they don’t have to be a part of my life.”Belongs to (N)ôvel/Drama.Org.

“You’d give up your friends for me?”

He nods. “I’m asking you to change your whole life and move here just to take a chance on us. So whatever you need to feel secure, I’ll give it to you. I haven’t seen these clowns in months and I’m not missing anything.”

I rub my lips together, forgetting how slippery they are from all the thick gloss. “Finn, may I teach you a love lesson for once?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t be with a woman who wants you to give up your friends for her. Be with a woman who wants to be a part of the things you like and love.”

I wanted to tell Finn about my plan to move tonight. My big grand gesture. I know it’s a risk and we haven’t known each other long, but our chemistry is undeniable. Setting my insecurities aside, I wanted to see where this goes…

But then I got that call from Palmer a couple of hours ago. My old life is calling me home, and I don’t want to be the woman who turns her back on her best friend of twenty years because she’s currently lust-filled and sex-crazed over a man who has been treating her nicely for two months.

What kind of woman am I? What kind of friend am I? I need time to decide, and now I can’t offer Finn any real answers tonight like I planned to, so instead, I kick off my shoes, bend my legs, and press my heels into the edge of my seat, then spread my legs.

“Nothing crazy,” I mumble as I part the strips of my skirt on either side of my thigh so he has a clear visual of my nude-colored panties. “I’m not going to mess up my hair and makeup.”

He looks like a man starved as he sinks to his knees in front of me. “Fine. Then how about you lean back and relax? You can keep your pretty self perfectly intact, and I’ll do all the work.”

Before I can respond, he yanks my panties to the side and drags his tongue across my slit. I was already melting. Now I’m on fire.

“Oh my God,” I groan.

He’s not teasing me tonight. We’re on a timer, so immediately he’s lapping at me like a thirsty dog, and suddenly I don’t care so much about how I look. I weave my fingers in his hair and grind against his wet tongue, trying to work as hard as he is.

“I said relax,” he mumbles and blows against my clit, the cool air making me shudder. “I’ve got this. Lean back and enjoy.”

He lets his saliva pool on the tip of his tongue before he flicks at my clit rapidly, following his own advice about head he gave me a few weeks ago. It went something like—keep it wet, lots of pressure, and my favorite part…lots of praise.

“Goddamn, you taste so good and feel so soft,” he moans against me. “How’s that feel, Queen?”

“Good,” I force myself to breathe out.

“Hm, just good?” He latches onto my clit and hollows his cheeks, sucking as hard as he can as he slinks one finger into me.

“Oh fuck,” I cry out, ignoring the fact the driver can probably hear everything. Is there music playing? We should turn on some music…loud…because I really want to scream. “Yes, like that.”

He stops sucking just long enough to respond. “Good girl, that’s more like it. Tell me how good it feels.”

“You are a fucking king, Finn. You’re so good at this. Please don’t stop.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” he grumbles as he works in a second finger. “You know something?” he asks, removing his lips from my body.

I lift my head from the back of the seat. “Keep going,” I plead. “I’m close.”

He looks up and shoots me a wicked smile. “You still have my fingers. Goodness, you needy girl. Let me talk to you for a minute.”

I blink at him as my lips press together in a hard line. “I am zero percent amused.”

He thrusts his fingers into me hard, making me grunt. “This is too easy.”

“What?” I cry out as he picks up the pace.

“Yeah, I know your pussy backward and forward by now.”

He’s careful to keep his fingers long and straight, knowing if he curls them, I’ll make a fuss about making a mess in this limo. I let him do that to me at home, preferably in the shower. Not here. Not in my mermaid costume, right before we’re about to go into public.

“I know exactly how to make you feel good, baby. I’ve got this pussy on lockdown.”

“Your point?” I ask through gasps.

“Now, how do I get your heart, hm? What do I need to do to keep you? To convince you that you are exactly what I want?” He latches onto my clit again with his lips and drives me to the brink, making sure my toes are curling and my thighs are tensing before he pulls away again. “I need you to start falling in love with me now, Avery.”

In love?

Normally, I’d feel like this is a wildly inappropriate time to be having this conversation, but it feels right with Finn. It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking or fucking, the connection is the same. It’s deep, and real, and so all-encompassing. Maybe my emotions will explode at the same time my body does…

“I’m halfway there and I don’t want to be alone at the finish line,” Finn continues.

He nips at my clit now, knowing how it sets me off. It’s the thrill of the idea of danger. He could hurt me, but he doesn’t. He’s so controlled, his nip almost on the cusp of pain but not quite. The perfect balance makes me explode. It’s the trust I have knowing Finn is always going to dare me to jump off the cliff, then be waiting at the bottom to catch me.

I come so hard it almost hurts. The way my back arches so intensely my spine aches, my thighs fatigue, and my head knocks back against the headrest so hard it bounces right back up. I have to rip Finn away from my body with both hands because he’s dead set on pushing me past my limit and he continues to drag his tongue all over my sensitive entrance. The sensation is so intense that it’s torture.

“Stop,” I beg. “I came, Finn. I already came.”

“I know,” he says with a chuckle as he yields and rises from his knees to slide back into his seat. “We need to work on your endurance.”

“Endurance?” I ask as I adjust my panties over my swollen and throbbing center and realign my skirt.

“If you could bear through it, I could send you straight into another orgasm. Even more intense.”

“I think one at a time is plenty,” I huff, still catching my breath. The tingles in my toes still linger. I’m so satiated I just want to fall asleep with Finn holding me from behind.

“For now. You’ll see. There’s a lot for us to explore together. That’s what keeps your sex life alive, Avery. It’s not different positions, dirty talk, or getting choked and your ass swatted. It’s trusting each other enough to be honest and ask for what you want and need—”

“And the other person being willing to try,” I add.

“That’s where I think both of our prior relationships fell flat. Nora didn’t trust”—he points to his chest—“and Mason didn’t try.” He points to me. “That’s why we’re good together. I don’t want to pressure you, Avery, but if you were here, I know I could make you happy.”

I look out the window and see that we’re parked right in front of Ruby’s. I remember the giant red neon sign from all those years ago when I rescued Palmer. My best friend…

“Finn, you know L.A. is only about four hours away.”

He nods shortly. “I’m aware.”

I keep my eyes on the window so he doesn’t see my guilty expression. “That’s almost the same distance to Scottsdale, right? You visit your mom once a month and the drive isn’t too bad.” I finally force myself to look at him, and the way his lips are pressed together and his eyes are narrowed, he knows what I’m saying.

“Do you think seeing each other once a month would be enough for us?”

“Finn, I…” I trail off and he waits patiently for me to finish my thought, but I can’t. I don’t want to tell him Palmer is what stands between us because he truly will hate her forever and if Finn is going to be in my life, I need my boyfriend and my best friend to get along. It’s bad enough that there’s a war between Palmer and Mason. But there’s only a war because she loves me and hates the man who broke my heart.

“Can I be honest?” Finn asks.

I nod in reply.

“I think we’re good together and I think you’re standing in your own way. And when you figure out why, let me know. Maybe I can help you through it.”

But I know why.

It’s because even after all summer, it’s still easier to sink back into what I know I am versus what I could be. I’m Mason’s business partner. I’m Palmer’s best friend. I don’t know if I can trust the idea of Finn and this reinvented version of myself. It’s just a fantasy. It’s just a dream. Guys like Finn don’t really fall in love with girls like me. I know he likes that I make him feel safe…

But do I make him feel alive the way he makes me feel alive? There’s no way. And it’s so much easier to think with my head than my heart.

“Finn, listen, I—”

Knock, knock, knock. The abrupt sound against the partition conveniently interrupts me.

“Sir, we’re being told to move. I can’t park here much longer. Should I circle the block again?”

“No, we’re all set,” Finn calls back and we hear the driver’s door open then slam shut. No doubt he’s making his way over to let us out. Finn keeps his eyes on me. “Finish your sentence, sweetheart. What is it?”

What is it?…

I’m scared.

I grab my clutch and fish through it before I pull out a pack of gum. “Nothing. But here, you should take a piece.” I hand over a single stick. “I promise I’ll return the favor later.”

He chuckles as he pops the gum into his mouth. He winks at me playfully, clearly trying to mask his disappointment in our conversation.

“Damn straight you will.”