Surrender Your Sensations

Why does someone leave? Why does someone leave a person behind? Why does someone leave without giving a proper goodbye?

“People don’t come and go. But people choose when to come and when to go.” Rupert stood up. It’s time for him to say his argument and defend their group’s stance; a person leaves because he hates the person he has to leave behind. “If you love a person, there’s not enough reason to leave. But if you hate a person, that hate is enough drive you to walk away. It’s simply because hatred fluorish anger and then destruction.”

Hatred is a strong emotion. When you feel angry, it will eat away at your logic and right thinking. Then, you’ll end up doing the wrong things and irrational decisions.

I’ve been there.

“I’ve been there,” Rupert continued, putting me into a halt. My gaze stayed on his blurry face as he carried on, “I hated you, Meredith. I was so close to leaving.”

I was stunned by what Rupert said. I blinked multiple times before I was able to process what he just said. My chest hurt because of what he said.

“W-What?” I whispered.

Suddenly, everything fell silent while I still didn’t fully understand what was going on. Why was he saying this?

“I hated you. I hated you for making me appreciate you as you. I hated you for making me smile and for taking away my pain. I hated you because I forget about Ava when I’m with you.” Rupert walked. He left behind the table where Gelo and Minzy were sitting. He stood at the center of the stage, a few feet away from me. “You made me forget about Ava and I felt guilty. I hated you for that; that hate almost made me leave, Meredith.”

I swallowed along with the dryness of my throat. What was he trying to say here? This felt so heavy to hear from him.

“You should leave then,” it spontaneously came out of my mouth. I never liked forcing people to stay with me.

Cherry held my shoulder but I didn’t give her a glance. I kept my gaze on Rupert’s face. His blurred face hindered me from seeing his facial expression. And that’s frustrating. I couldn’t predict where this was going.

“I can’t.”

“What exactly are you trying to say, Rupert?” I asked, exasperatedly. I was about to stand but Cherry and David stopped me. “I don’t get this. We were okay earlier and then you suddenly said those things? Last night was …”

“Listen, Meredith.” He took steps towards me until he was standing an inch away from the table in front of me. “I hated you for making me love you. It was … so hard to admit it to myself. I felt like I was cheating on Ava at first so even though I felt like I had fallen for you already, I did my best to stop myself. And when I can’t help it anymore, I came up with an idea to end what we have and leave. But my heart ached with that thought. ”

I frowned. “I don’t get this, Rupert.”

He chuckled before he put both of his hands on the pockets of his jeans. I didn’t see his lips but I felt it- he was smiling.

So, this is not a break-up speech?

“I can’t leave you. And when I fully accepted the reality that my heart only wants you,” he placed his right hand on his chest, “and not Ava anymore, I decided to confess. The hate I felt before immediately vanished and all I want to do is to take care of you and to make you happy. ”

Everyone was watching us. I remained seated on my seat while Rupert continued what he was saying, “But last night- what you confessed to me scared me to hell. I can’t lose you. I can’t let you leave.”

“W-What are you talking about?”

“For the short while, I’ve known you enough to predict your next decisions, Meredith. Something inside was bugging me that you will leave me if you received a bad result from your biopsy.”

My mouth dropped open and my eyes immediately turned to the others inside the debate room. I didn’t tell them yet but when I saw Cherry bowing her head and David tapping the top of my head, I realized they already knew.

I turned my gaze to my coaches and Sir Romeo answered my confusion, “Your father and Nurse Bernadeth told us already.”

My jaw clenched. The guilt instantly caved in. I wanted to disappear. I hated myself for always burdening people that I love with my staggering health. “I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I need to leave.”

I was about to stand up from my seat when Rupert reached for my arm. He held it tightly.

“Don’t hate yourself, Meredith. It’s not your fault that we wanted to stay with you,” Rupert said, letting go of my arm. “I want to stay with you through the good times and the bad times. So please don’t push me away just because you feel you are becoming a burden to me – to us. We want to help you in carrying your burden.”

“B-But-”

I was left with no word to say when Rupert went down with one knee.

For several times, I blinked at Rupert’s position. I looked around me and everyone was carefully watching us as if they already knew where this was all going.

Cherry even giggled in excitement, hugging me from my side and whispering, “Congratulations, Meredith.”

And that’s when I heard it.

“Will you marry me, Meredith Kaye Santiago?”

I gasped with his question. I stared at the small red velvet box that Rupert was holding. There was a shiny ring in there- and he was offering it to me.

“Rupert … What is this?”

“I’m asking you to spend your tomorrows with me. I’m asking you to accept me as your strongest soldier who will protect you from everything that will hurt you. I’m asking you if I can love you for the rest of my life, Meredith Kaye. ”

Things were fast.

It was never the kind of life that I had. Ever since I had cancer, I have slowed down- in my education, in my dreams, and in my happiness.

But Rupert came and shook my slow-paced world. Changes rapidly occurred and emotions crashed down on me like aggressive ocean waves.

And I think I like this more.

The fast-paced translation and changes. It’s a bit overwhelming but … It made me feel alive and free.

“If I say yes, I’ll be the most clingy fiance. If I say yes, I’ll be the hardest-to-handle kind of fiance. If I say yes, and my biopsy states I had cancer, you might end up taking care of a sick fiance and might end up being a widow at a young age.” I sighed before forcing a smile. “Are you sure about this, Rupert? I can’t promise you that I will be your ideal wife.”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“Who said I want an ideal wife?” Rupert shrugged before he wiped off his eyes. Is he crying? I’m not sure but I can feel his overflowing emotions by the way his voice sounded. “I want you, Meredith. Only you. Like I said before, there’s a spot in the deepest part of my heart that only belongs to you.”

Tears started to fall from my eyes. I couldn’t believe that skepticism then would be the greatest certainty today.

“Yes,” I said, standing up from my seat to go to Rupert.

Everyone started clapping while I wore the ring Rupert was giving me. “This is my surest yes in my life, Rupert Santos.”

“I love you, Meredith Kaye. Always. No matter how hard or no matter how painful.”